Why and how did Er die? You probably must have heard that the marriage between Tamar and Er was short-lived. What really happened? What was his sin? What does the Bible story of Tamar and Er teach us?
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Er is an Hebrew name meaning ” Obsevant or watchful”
Judah got a wife for Er, his firstborn, and her name was Tamar. But Er, Judah’s firstborn, was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death.
Genesis 38:6-7
It was a cold morning… it had rained cats and dogs on the night before.
Zilpah seemed to have stopped humming a song, and she murmured against her breath, over this land that she and her mistress had come to dwell, affirming to the fact that the rain was unceasing and annoying!
She was a bit worried about her mistress, Tamar, who was still indoors in tent, together with Er. The new bride had promised to narrate her first-night bridal experience to her. It was almost 10:00 am, and Tamar was not on sight.
She expected to hear romantic giggles and sounds unique to conjugal intimacy, but she heard none. She wondered if the experience was pleasant enough!
She made to knock on the door but weighed her chances, the possibility of interrupting her mistress’ sleep after a long night, coupled with the fact that Tamar had a tiring journey!
However, she observed that Er’s shoes were not beside the door. However, an attempt to move the door, left it sliding inwards. Her eyes flickered towards the bed and then on the thatched floor, and found Tamar thereon.
Truthfully, her eyes were closed, but Zilpah had known her mistress well enough to know when she was asleep. Tightly closing the door behind her, she advanced towards Tamar and sat close, her eyes roaming wildly in search of quick answers.
The aromatic perfume believed to sparkle the passion between two lovebirds seemed to have lost its characteristic fragrance. The bedsheets were ruffled!
Tamar held Zilpah’s hands tenderly, whilst sobbing in between her breath.
She managed to sit up properly, revealing her roughly touched hair weaves, her face revealed streaked lines of dried out tears.
The older lady in her mid-forties, was old enough to discern that Tamar’s first night as a newlywed bride was not so pleasant.
Tamar wept again, “I fell in love with Er instantly, My whole being longed to please him, I did everything you told me, because I wanted him to love me, but he wouldn’t take a second look at me.
I guess it was my inexperience! After 3 hours of fruitless attempts, he left me here, utterly disappointed and zoomed off, just before dawn”.
Zilpah consoled Tamar, letting her weep like a child upon her shoulders, as though it was a sure way of escaping this sad reality!
Apparently, Er turned a new leaf after his return, three days later.
He spoke gently and nicely to Tamar, to the amusement of Shua, and to the amazement of all.
Tamar convinced herself that she needed to understand and respect her husband the more. He was not so bad after all. One look at them would make one assume they were inseparable love-birds!
Zilpah was happier about the recent development for it meant more happiness for her mistress. Judah himself could barely conceal his joy.
However, Tamar had one big challenge, one which she feared confiding in Zilpah, or least of all, her Mother-in-law.
Zilpah had declined from asking about Tamar’s intimate relationship with Er. Tamar was reluctant about revealing this. Probably, she wanted it to remain a secret.
Nevertheless, the onus lies on her as Tamar’s handmaid and personal nurse, to make the necessary factors feasible for Tamar’s conception.
It was three months already. Tamar had not taken in.
Tamar was plagued by this challenge as the day wore on. One which was sponsored her inability to conceive, she wanted to be happy in this marriage, with her beloved Er. How she wanted to be his wife and confidant.
Nevertheless, she feigned the smiles, as the gloom on her face became more obvious. On Zilpah’s continual insistence, she revealed a most terrifying truth, one which sounded like a loaded bombshell.
Er had never had sex with Tamar!
Tamar was still a virgin. All that transpired on their matrimonial bed were foreplay and soft caresses, no penetrative sex! Tamar revolted but Er was indignant.
All attempts to seduce her husband were futile. She knew something was wrong…but could not spot the exact jinx.
Tamar had earlier tried to inquire about Er and his past life… Obviously, she had no space to know him intimately. Judah’s account was not very fleshy. Probably, he was being careful, or rather, evasive.
Her father-in-law could only talk about how Er had decided to be his mother’s son and serve her Canaanite gods. Apparently, he lost grip of his son, and his other sons too, who had decided to tow the part of their over-domineering mother.
Judah seemed the lamb, and his wife, Shua, the lion!
However, Tamar loved Er with her soul, and wouldn’t want to hurt him.
Indeed, she wanted to be his cover, protect him and touch him where it hurt him the most. Nevertheless, Er was impenetrable.
However, she gave him the liberty to explore her body, and that was all. Zilpah understood the reasons for Tamar’s prolonged silence, but it seems the poor girl could bear the pain no more.
Who could she tell? It would be tantamount to exposing the man she loved!
Nevertheless, the big question remained unanswered!
What was the challenge with Er’s sexual life? Was Er sterile? Was it a case of psychological trauma? Was it a case of adultery? He should be aware of its consequences.
How long could Tamar bear this? People were beginning to question her femininity to bring forth seed. What then was the purpose of this marriage if it was not fruitful?
Weeks ran into months…
Tamar was married for many months as a virgin, living with her husband.
Er had metamorphosed again into the prideful and quick-tempered man Tamar had known from the beginning. Nonetheless, she was willing to play the role of his play thing!
Zilpah watched her mistress daily, suffering under the dreariness of a long emotional torment. Poor girl, what could she do? She was an unfulfilled bride!
She cursed Er, under her breath, for taking advantage of Tamar’s fragility and love for him. It was like deep cancer, gradually eating her up…it was telling on Tamar’s physicality and countenance. She was losing her charm!
Zilpah cooked up a plan!
Tamar opposed the idea for many days… Indeed, she had no choice! She eventually gave in to it.
Er returned home one evening, and Tamar served him milk. Fresh milk was something Er could not resist! He had a penchant for the alcoholic brands and red wine, but not as much as his love for fresh milk.
Er was a chronic and unrepentant alcoholic, he could be away with his vain friends for days, partying and wasting away on leagues of wine. He never really ate much of solid foods, and had developed a poor eating habit, as his very presence reeked of alcohol!
Zilpah had thought that he had lost touch of his virility as a result of his reckless escapades in popular taverns. It had left much to be desired on his personality, psychology and sexual health.
Three days later, Er staggered come home to rest after several days outside of his home. He gulped down the remaining contents of the milk found in a milk jar…wondering how milk had acquired a ‘tipsy’ property.
Er made his way into the room, only to find Tamar in a most seductive position! How she transformed! She was absolutely hypnotizing.
The entire room had been lit for romantic pleasure! Zilpah saw to the entire arrangement.
Tragedy strike!
The plan was designed and executed.
Sadly, Tamar reclined over the wall, bemoaning her fate in this journey of marriage.
It failed!
Er had fallen off her before actual penetration would occur, she cast a cursory gaze at him, wondering what a mystery of a man, she had married!
She wailed in misery…
Tamar’s much-awaited miracle happened, but she wished it never did, for it spelled misery for her!!
Er came home after a wild orgy (party). However, this time, he had lost all emotional guards attributed to a normal human, transforming into a ravenous and untamed beast…
Zilpah had a stressful day and slept off at the servant quarters at the other end of the house.
Er pounced on his wife with her hands tied, as though she had committed a crime worth punishing!
Tamar screamed her life out, been deflowered by her husband in a most dishonorable way after many months of desiring his warm touch.
The sheets were stained, she was badly wounded, but not as wounded as she would be on discovering the lifeless body of her husband on the side of the floor!
To be continued…
Lessons from Tamar and Er Story
Every woman desires and deserves a fulfilling marital life!
Tamar is plagued by circumstances beyond her control. An unfulfilled sex life in marriage. Er had subjected her to sexual torture!
In spite of her challenge, she did not lose hope in the God of Israel, and over her husband. Wives should be open to communication with their husbands on matters relating to sex and intimacy, and vice-versa. Building a great sex life is a deliberate effort by parties involved.
Thanks for reading!
God bless you.
